#1179
Mickey: Wow, Spidey's roomy!
Date: 12/04/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
AWMAWMAWMAWMAWMAWMAWMAWMAWM
Lita: I'm glad you think so, because that's the last time you'll see the inside of a giant spider, mister.
Mickey: Well, that's good, right? No being shoved up Spidey's butt for me. Gardener's must give him indegestion.
Lita: You're not riding with us. You and your *snicker* beloved can walk.
Mickey: Hey! Tork's bride is younger...
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: We ARE getting married! Wow, this is happening faster than I thought. 42, will you be the bridesmaid?
42: I thought you'd never ask.
Mickey (sarcasticly): Honey, will you let me finish what I was saying?
Cow: Not when you're mooried.
Mickey: My poin is, why don't you make fun of Tork?
Lita: Because he's no fun to make fun of.
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: Mickey, you are so cute when you're angry.
Mickey: I AM NOT! (pouts)
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS, 42, Lita, Evil Mike and Cow: Awwwwwwww......(Spidey's door closes)
(Spidey drives, or walks, or just kind of saunters...I don't know what he does...but he just leaves)
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: So what are we doing for our honeymoon?
Mickey: Well, I'll be in prison.
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: YOU BETTER NOT CHEAT ON ME WITH ONE OF THOSE FAT GUYS I'M ALWAYS SEEING IN THOSE PRISON MOVIES! YOU'RE MY BITCH!
Mickey: I know.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Even I'm starting to get creeped out.
#1180
Oh, boy.
Date: 12/04/2001
From: Lita_n_Spidey
.........................................................
No wonder I wouldn't let Mickey in my car. This whole plot line is getting icky icky icky! (Particularly around those last two lines… wow.)
Time to go to an entirely less creepy plot. It *is* possible to write interesting stuff without grossing people out, Mickey!
*******
<Spidey *walks* back to the ranch. (He can run sometimes too! And sometimes he skips, hops, or moseys! It depends on what the situation calls for. He's versatile! Lita, Evil Mike, and Lita 42 climb out. Spidey runs off to chase the horses around.
Lita: Awesome!
<Presently, Evil Mike and the Litas are met by the Rimmers.>
Lita: Oh! There you are!
Rimmer: Yes. Do you have your memory back?
Lita: My memory is flawless. And so is EM's. In fact, I seem to remember that outfit you're wearing. It's mine!!!
Rimmer: Oh! Is this yours? I didn't realize--
Lita: Oh, it's ok. You can have it. That's not really my look anyway. It's just that I don't think those clothes have ever been washed. They were kind of smelly when I got them. Then I left them all wadded up in the bottom of my drawer for a month or whatever… I'd been hoping a new lifeform would evolve… I guess that's kind of ruined now…
Rimmer: Oh… sorry…
Lita: Anyway, the poin is…
cow: You really smooell bad!
Lita: Er…
Rimmer: Really? I hadn't noticed.
Lita: It's not you, it's the clothes.
Rimmer: If it were that bad, you'd think I'd be able to tell!
<Rimmer lifts up the corner of her shirt, and gives it a whiff. Then she passes out.>
Lita: I told you.
<Just then, Deathstalker comes out of the lodge.>
Cave Rimmer: Oh, crud. Not him again.
Lita: Is that Deathstalker?
<Deathstalker walks up to everybody, and sees the Litas.>
Deathstalker: Heeeyyy… Who ah the new gehls? Ah they princesses?
Cave Rimmer: Say no. Trust me.
Lita: We aren't. Really.
Deathstalker: Just nohmal wenches, eh? Well, that's fine. I like normal wenches too!
Lita: What are you doing here? You weren't invited!
Deathstalker: I'm not armed. But if you want to search me for weapons, that's fine. It'll give you a chance to get a good long look at my crotch.
Lita: I don't know how, but I think that statement just made me go blind--
Deathstalker: You know, thousands of women have fainted at the sight of the awesomeness of my manly package--
Actually, I'm stopping it here, before somebody presses charges.
Wow. So much for not grossing people out. Sorry about that. Everybody go clean your computer screens now.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
How can they say there's too much traffic on the bboard? They never let anybody in!
Every day Scifi finds a new way
To tell all its viewers it hates them.
#1181
in bursts Nastenka with Tork
Date: 12/05/2001
From: TorksXmasSpecial
< Nastenka has Tork tied up and is dragging him around by...yarn?! They see everybody else. Boy, is it crowded. >
Nastenka: I got him now! There WILL be a marriage.
< Tork is about to protest, but a cudgel falls on his head. She picks it up and clubs him with it. >
Nastenka: Are you gonna marry me NOW? HUH?!! HUH?!!
< She still manages to be cute despite the violence. >
Tork: Owie. Help! Rrrarr!
cow: What did he say?
< Tork mumbles something. >
Lita: What was that?
Tork: I said I was turned into a bear! Seems important to Nastenka's culture. It apparently humbles potential husbands. Grrrr.
cow: (falls on the ground) HAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHHA
Tork: Oh shut up! (grr) I'll eat you! Just like I ate that gypsy!
<silence>
Nastenka: You didn't eat her. She slipped, hit her head, and lost her memory.
cow: (hehe) How could you let this sweet little girl capture you? (<sarcastic cow mode>) Doesn't your suit give you super powers or something? (By the way, aren't you warm in that thing?)
Tork: This witch (another cudgel falls) owwwwww. I mean, this gal had several advantages. The cudgel curse, the bearrr thing, and the web...
Lita: Web?
Tork: Show her, (bitterly) dear.
< Nastenka pulls out her needles, and knits a pair of socks. What I, the narrator, fail to mention is that she does it within seconds>
Everyone who is watching: Whoa!
< Nastenka finishes.>
Nastenka: Which one of you is Rimmer?
Rimmer: That would be me!
Nastenka: Here you go.
< The socks are of high quality. On one, it says "A J Rimmer", on the other it says "ass">
Lita: Nastenka, we have to talk. Come on Rimmer.
< Lita looks at Deathstalker, who is smug as ever.>
Lita: CaveRimmer, guard this bedroom. Deathstalker, cut the weird looking guy loose.
Rimmer: These are nice.
< the gals exit. (Is Lita42 there? Well she is no where to be found right now.) CaveRimmer is making sure that Deathstalker can't follow them. >
cow: Sooooooo, you walked into a giant web made of yarn?
Tork: It was a cursed web! It's was really sticky.
cow: Does that mask make it hard to see, or maybe the new fur?
Tork: (crying) Stop making fun of me! I hate spider webs. Stupid gypsy!
Tork_110
Doesn't like writing cow dialogue.
Still, he is a popular character...
Right, celebrity guest star, Popeye?
"I appeared at this post
because I eat spinach the most.
I'm Popeye the Sailor Man!"
#1182
Oh, okay...
Date: 12/05/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
<rewind!!!>
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: So what are we doing for our honeymoon?
Mickey: Well, I'll be in prison. You need to finish your homework.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Went too far and I'm sorry to make Lita (and anyone else) feel uncomfortable.
#1183
Time to end the creepiness...
Date: 12/05/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
dfskjklgnfjkfhfh;jhnroi
Mickey: Now if you want to marry me, there's just one problem (actually, there's a ton of problems, but for the sake of this argument, let's just say there's one)
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: What?
Mickey: See, I don't have my own place, and my roommate, well...he's a nicee guy and all, but...
(As if on purpose, Ortega jumps out and starts strangling Mickey)
Ortega: You'll pay, Nabut! YOU'LL PAY FOR WHAT YOU DID TOO ME!
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: Hey, back off, you...thing. And his names Mickey.
Ortega: Mickey, eh?
Mickey: Yeah, um...Mickey Mouse (high pitched voice) ha-ha. You've probably heard of me.
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: Oh, you (slaps Mickey) That's why I love him. He's not really Mickey Mouse. He's Mickey
Mickey: Mantle. That's right. I'm not dead.
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: Mickey T. Gardener
Mickey: D'oh!
Ortega: I'm going to kill you to.
Mickey: This is my roommate I was telling you about. Teggy, meet TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS.
Ortega: A pleasure to meet you. Now, die Mickey!
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: Wait, Ortega. I think you're the grooviest?
Ortega: Errn?
Mickey: What? No, I'm the grooviest!
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: Shutup, you had your chance.
Ortega: Yeah, Mickey. Get out of here, Mr. Third Wheel.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Intended to end the creepiness, but opened up a whole new level of creepiness with that one. Sorry.
#1184
Yeah. Ok.
Date: 12/05/2001
From: Carmelita42
........................................................
That is still pretty creepy, Mickey. But at least we don't have to witness the creepyness. They can go be creepy someplace else. So I'm for it!
Hey, what happened to gramps? Did we just leave him lying on the lawn outside MSTBlanca? That wasn't nice! He could get hurt!
<Lita rewinds the rp, and rewrites it so that they pull gramps into Spidey before leaving.>
All right! Now he's lying on the lawn outside the ranch! Much better!
Back to the story.
***
<Carmelita 42 returns from wherever she's been.>
Cave Rimmer: Where have you been?
Lita 42: Changing my shirt. 9000 doesn't seem to like me running around wearing her number. In fact, it seems to enrage her. Not that I didn't warn *certain people* about that earlier… But you see? My new shirt has a big 42 on it! No more confusion!
<Deathstalker approaches Lita 42, with that look he gets. You know the one. Ugh.>
Deathstalker: You know, I can tell, just by looking at you, that you're still an innocent.
Lita 42: Excuse me?
Deathstalker: You've never experienced the love of a man, have you?
Lita 42: Now that is absolutely none of your business--
Deathstalker: <Puts his finger over her lips> Shh… I know. I never thought I would say this to a woman before, but I think you should keep your innocence. <Thinking: Damn, this line works every time!>
<Deathstalker comes at 42 with his mouth wide open and his tongue waving. To the casual observer, it looks like he's about to try to swallow her entire head. He doesn't get the chance though, 42 stomps on his foot, and then spaz chops the back of his neck while he's bent over in pain. He falls to the floor, unconscious.>
Cave Rimmer: Yeah. I've had to do that about three times since I started guarding this door.
Lita 42: I think I'm traumatized for life… excuse me.
<42 heads out the door. While I'm here, I just noticed that Tork, the cow, and Evil Mike didn't get any lines, though they are almost certainly still in the room. The cow and Evil Mike are probably just passing the time by taunting Tork in some corner of the room. Doesn't matter though, this reply is following the actions of one Carmelita 42, who, as has just been noted, is no longer in here.>
***
<42 is wandering around outside. She can do that when she wants to now, because there's a giant spider keeping all those mean horses at bay. So she's wandering around, like I said, and she just keeps doing that until…>
Lita 42: <to herself… nobody else is there around, after all> Hey, cool! A monkey!
<The monkey is, in fact, Nabut. Apparently PM hasn't found his body yet. He probably has bigger problems at the moment. 42 doesn't know that Nabut has been doppled into a monkey though. In fact, Carmelita 9000 is the only one on our team who does know. (Evil Mike has forgotten all the stuff that went on while he had amnesia, remember.) She hasn't gotten around to telling everybody else, So 42 has absolutely no reason to believe that she is looking at anything more than an ordinary orangutan.>
Lita 42: Hi, little monkey! What are you doin'? You're really cute, aren't you? Yes you are! Yes you are!
<It's hard for an orangutan to show emotion, nevertheless, Nabut uses every ounce of resourcefulness he has, and manages to look annoyed.>
Lita 42: Do you want a banana, little monkey? I have one for you! Yes I do!
<Nabut takes the banana gladly. Monkeys like bananas! I don't know why 42 had a banana with her in the first place. She doesn't even like bananas. None of the clones do. And why should they? (Actually, I don't know if *all* of the clones dislike bananas. It's not like I have nothing better to do with my time than track down all 9000 of my clones and ask them how they feel about bananas. But none of the Lita clones that I'm aware of like bananas. And that was your useless piece of trivia for the day.>
Lita 42: You are so cute! I think I'll keep you for a pet! I know, I'll name you Flopsey!
Nabut: Ook ook.
<Translation: What are you, an idiot? That's a name for a rabbit! (The statement is lost on 42, however. She doesn't speak orangutan.)>
Lita 42: I knew you'd like it, Flopsey! Come on, let's go back to my cabin!
<She takes his hand, and starts to lead him away.>
Lita 42: Hm… I'm going to have to find you a diaper or something, huh? I don't want to have to clean up any monkey messes.
Nabut: Ook.
<Uh… you don't want to know the translation for that.>
Carmelita42
No tagline
Clones don't get taglines.
#1185
[A small robot rolls into PM's office...
Date: 12/05/2001
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Spiced Pork And Meat Mode>>>
[The robot looks a little like a high-tech trashcan. Hmmm... familiar, somehow. Anyway, it stops in front of PM and beeps a few times.]
[PM] Achtung? What's the matter?
[The robot beeps some more.]
[PM] Achtung Babe-three, you know better than to talk to a strange computer.
[The robot beeps yet again.]
[PM] Oh! You said "orangutan." My bad. I could hardly understand you with this banana peel stuck in your speaker. Let's see if we can fix this. [PM fiddles with the robot for a minute.] Hmmm... this peel's wedged in there pretty tight... There! [He pulls the peel loose, and a five-inch hologram of Nabut appears in the air!]
[Nabut hologram] Help me pea-- My Liege! You're my only hope!!!
[PM] Nabut! Where are you?!?
[Nabut hologram] Duh! Stuck in a monkey, remember?!? Why aren't you out looking for me?
[PM] Well, I haven't been able to access the Duh for the last several days, so I've been working on a webcomic.
[Nabut hologram] I fail to see how that's supposed to-- say, that's pretty good! What's it going to be about?
[PM] Why, it's going to be about all the crazy shennanegans we get into on this response record thread (well, mostly)! It'll star Lita, Rimmer, Grandmapa, Mickey, Tork, and of course me and you!
[Nabut hologram] Cool! When is it coming out?
[PM] Six to Eight weeks it makes it's debut on Keenspace! I'm calling it "Tales From The Duh"!!!
[Nabut hologram] Where can I get updates and see cool sneak peeks of character sketches?
[PM] I'm glad you asked, Nabut! Check it out at my stoopid website at: http://pharaohmobius.tripod.com/pmosrpghq/id15.html
!!! And don't mind the mess, I still haven't had much time to work on my site!
[Nabut hologram] All right! Sound great boss! Well, see you la-- HEY!!! I'm still doppled into a monkey!
[PM] No time for that now; it'll have to wait for another day!!!
The chomik artist Pharaoh Mobius
Shameless plug?
You're soaking in it!
Sarcophagus!
#1186
Stupid Duh!!!
Date: 12/05/2001
From: Carmelita42
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought those popups were bad, now they're even putting their ads into people's posts! Just look what they did to your reply, PM!
Hey, I didn't know you speak orangutan! Wow!
Hold still, Flopsey!
<Lita 42 goes back to dressing Nabut in a pink tutu and rollerskates.>
42!!
#1187
I love it, I love it, I love it!!11!!!1!
Date: 12/05/2001
From: AnOldRedneckReindeer
What a neat idea, Pfpafahaorafahaoh! I'm LOL at the pictures, especially me with the tennis balls on the walker and purse of various boozes! I can't wait until you get it all up and running!
Keep it up, because it's going to be great! :o)
Oh, and I don't have anything to add to the RP right now, but I'm hoping to be able to sit down and type this week!
magrandpa?
grandmapa!, sch.
The Elderly Gender-Bender!
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Riddler Club!
President of the I Hate Hamburglar Club!
Second Place Winner Wacky Races 2001!
Never thought he'd be in a Chomik, but is shocked and very happy to be in one!
Thank you Pharaoh! :o)
10:04 P.M. CST!
#1188
And I'm just learning about this *now*?
Date: 12/06/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
"Where's my reiduals?*" Mode
This is great, PM! I can't wait to see my picture! You've done a great job on the others.
A quick question, though: Are you going to use the stuff we've already written here, or if not, what?
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
*-Just kidding. I would never ask that. The promise of becoming an extremely minor net celebrity (at least more than I already am) is enough for me.
#1189
[OOC] About the comic project...
Date: 12/06/2001
From: PharaohMobius
<<<OOC Mode>>>
Mickey:
Yes, the plot material will come primarily from what's been written here; primarily from the "response record" post. I'll make edits for continuity purposes, to clean out some of the "in-jokes" that won't translate well to comic format, and so that the storyline will better fit the comic format. I'm currently trying to come up with a pretext (an overarching plot to explain why the characters are there in the first place) for the series. True, the material will stand up on its own, but the pretext should give outsiders some handles for understanding what's going on (gotta give it broad appeal, if it's going to be successful). Hopefully, the pretext won't get in the way of the goofy fun of the series.
Keep checking the site for updates and for new pics as I upload them; I'm finishing up pencils for yours and Tork's sketches right now.
Welp, back to work! =)
TmPM
Sarcophagus!
#1190
[Rimmer] Well! That's better!
Date: 12/06/2001
From: SantaMobius
<<<Stealth Mode>>>
[Rimmer has just finished showering and changing clothes, and so no longer smells of funk and angst. To the contrary, she now has the light flowery aroma of whatever kind of shampoo she used. As she finishes brushing her hair at the dresser mirror, she notices a necklace with a small, weirdly shaped pendant. As she absently puts it on, she smiles a little sadly into the mirror. Quiet, melancholy music starts to play in the background (Uh oh. You know what that means...).
[Rimmer, singing] o/` Does anyone even notice? o/`
o/` Does anyone even caaaare? o/`
[Suddenly, she turns around and screams when she discovers three six-foot tall ventriloquist figures who grab her and kidnap her!!! (Anyone who follows vampire-based television programming knew this was coming...)]
------------------------------------------------------------
[Meanwhile, Lita42 and Flops-- I mean, Nabut, are having a tea party.]
[Lita42] Come on now, Flopsey! Your tea is getting cold!
[Nabut] Oook! Oook-ook OOOOOOOK!
[Lita42] Now that was just rude! No more scones for you!
[Lita9000, Evil Mike, Grandmapa, Mickey, and Tork all burst into the room.]
[Lita42] Party crashers!!!
[Lita9000] 42, will you get a grip?!? We've got an emergency on our hands!
[Grandmapa] Yeah! Some weird-lookin' fellers were carrying this big ol' burlap sack out of Rimmer's room, and then there wuz a scrap when Cave Rimmer tried to stop 'em, an' she knocked one o' them Hugo-wannabes on th' noggin with her club-stickee!
[Mickey] Yeah, but the other two got away in the confusion!
[Lita9000] Yeah, no thanks to *you*, Mickey!
[Mickey] I couldn't fight those guys! I'm too... important.
[Tork snickers] Yeah, *that's* the adjective that fits the best.
[Mickey] Quiet, you!
[Cave Rimmer enters, with a six-foot vent dummy in tow. She pushes it forward, but keeps a firm grip on the thing's shoulder.] All right! Talk, you! What the hell were you, Larry, and Curly up to? Sing!
[As the Dummy begins to speak, orchestral music swells up... and dies out as it speaks, not singing at all.]
[Dummy #2] My master Suite has kidnapped the H-ed one to be his bride, and has taken her to MSTBlanca. He will release her in exchange for one other... HER! [It points at Lita9000.]
[Lita9000] ME?!? What does Suite want with me?!?
[Dummy #2] He wants to watch you dance... and BURN!
[Everyone] BURN?!?!?
[Dummy #2] Yeah, burn! What, you didn't know that if you get too carried away with this singing and dancing stuff that you burst into flames? That's Suite's favorite part! Damn, I guess we forgot to mention that part. Oh well, you get the idea... now!
[Nabut] Oook! Oook!!!
[Lita42] Yeah, he *does* seem to like dramatic pauses.
[Dummy #2] Yes... I DO!
[Cave Rimmer] Well, is that it?!?
[Dummy #2] Yeah... pretty much!
[Cave Rimmer] Then out you go, if you don't have any more info! [She starts to shove the Dummy out the door, but it casually reaches up, grabs her wrist, and flips her over its shoulder. It then turns around and runs away.]
[Cave Rimmer] Strong...! Maybe someday you'll grow up to be a *real* boy!
[Grandmapa] *That* line didn't seem forced in awkwardly.
[Cave Rimmer] Hey, it was one of the better lines out of that Buffy episode!
[Lita9000] That does it. We've got to go back to MSTBlanca to settle this once and for all!
[Mickey] Yeah, having that Suite story thread just kind of dangle there *is* pretty annoying!
[Lita9000] No, we have to go to rescue Rimmi!
[Mickey] Oh yeah, that too!
[Lita42] Can I bring Flopsey along?
[Lita9000] Sure, why not?
[Lita42] Oh boy, Flopsey! We're going to rescue our friend! Isn't that exciting?
[Strangely enough, "Flopsey" looks the happiest he's looked since he met 42...]
[Nabut] Oook oook oooook!
The mad Pharaoh Mobius
More to come on this story arc,
but I figure this is long enough for
one installment.
Sarcophagus!
#1191
[A short while later, at MSTBlanca...]
Date: 12/06/2001
From: SantaMobius
[...the MSTie gang walks through the door that Lita9000 has just kicked in as the dramatic finish to the song everyone just got finished singing. Yep, it was a real show-stopper: solos, duets, and choruses all interwoven in a masterful musical arrangement. Everyone was singing: Lita9000, Lita42, Rimmer, Cave Rimmer, Grandmapa, Mickey, Tork, PM, Flopsey(!) Rick, Sam, and Suite were all singing! And they were all good, too! Too bad you missed it.]
[Suite grins wickedly.] Showtime...
[Lita9000] Let Rimmer go!!!
[Suite] Can't do that, darlin'. She summoned me, and so she must be my bride. I don't make the rules.
[Rimmer] But I didn't summon you! I don't know why you're saying that!
[Suite] You're wearing my talisman, darlin'. You *must* have summoned me.
[Rimmer] But I just found that necklace on the dresser! I never summoned you!
[Suite can somehow sense that she's telling the truth.] Well *that's* a fine development. Who summoned me, then?
[Everyone looks back and forth at each other. Flopsey, noticing that Lita42 is not paying attention to him, sneaks into PM's office. Finally, Tork raises his hand.]
[Everyone] TORK?!?!?
[Tork] Well, I thought it would help Mickey take his mind off of soup for awhile. That, and I thought all the singing and dancing would be fun! I never knew the stuff about burning people!!!
[Suite] Ah, hell. I can't marry *him*. Correction: I don't *want* to marry him. But anyway, I can watch you all burn before I destroy this bulletin board forever!!!
[Bright, bouncy pop music starts up, and Lita9000 starts to dance. Soon, everyone in the MSTie gang has joined her.]
[Lita9000] o/` Life's a song, and we all play our paaaart, o/`
o/` With joyful, happy hearts, o/`
o/` We hope to climb the charts. o/`
o/` Can't you see? We were all happy heeeeere, o/`
o/` Until you interfered, o/`
o/` I hope I've made that clear. o/`
o/` Can't you see o/`
o/` You tool o/`
o/` Rimmer don't o/`
o/` Like you o/`
o/` So mop up o/`
o/` Your drool o/`
o/` And find another giiiirl, o/`
o/` There are many a-round the world, o/`
o/` Who might like how you twirl. o/`
[While Lita9000 is singing, PM motions for Rick and Sam to come to him. He whispers something to them, and they sneak out of the room.]
[Suite] o/` Silly girl! I really must confess, o/`
o/` Oh, since you haven't guessed, o/`
o/` She now fails to impress. o/`
o/` I gave up o/`
o/` On her o/`
o/` Now I just o/`
o/` Prefer o/`
o/` To watch all o/`
o/` You burn o/`
o/` But still yet not untiiiiil, o/`
o/` I force the lot of you to spill, o/`
o/` Your secrets, dark and ill. o/`
[Suite looks at everyone expectantly as the music pauses, waiting for someone to take up the song. When no one does, he gets mad.]
[Suite] Well, don't *any* of you have any deep dark secrets?
[Everyone looks back and forth, talking at once. The general consensus is that no one has any dark secrets. A gurney with Nabut's body on it seems to be pushing itself back into PM's office, but nobody notices it.]
[Suite, to PM] Oh, come on! You're a villain! You've *got* to have some secrets!
[PM] No, I'm a Pulp Villain. I reveal pretty much any and every secret I have through detailed monologues and/or carelessly leaving my secret plans laying around for any and everyone to find.
[Suite, exasperated.] Grrr-- [He stops, and a devilish smile crosses his face.] Ahh... *there's* one.
[A piano starts playing in a minor key, and Grandmapa is startled to find himself standing in a spotlight.]
[Grandmapa, singing.] o/` I had a dream, o/`
o/` Of a magical pig! o/`
o/` Furry and big! o/`
o/` A piggy that carried a piiiiiiitchfork. o/`
o/` I dreamed that pig, o/`
o/` Brazen and brass, o/`
o/` Poked Lita's ass, o/`
o/` And turned my friend Lita eeeeeeeeeeeevil! o/`
o/` I think it made her eeeeeeeeeeevil! o/`
o/` My dream-pig made her eeeeeeeeeeevil!!1! o/`
[The music shifts to full band again, swelling fortissimo.]
o/` Yes I caused Lita to screeeeeam and shout! o/`
o/` I'm sorry I made you screeeeeam and shout! o/`
[The music begins to increase in tempo, and Grandmapa knocks his walker over, leaping to the dance floor. He begins to dance in time to the music, faster and faster. As he increases in speed, his clothes start to smoulder. Suite leans forward, grinning from ear to ear in anticipation of the fire he knows is coming. Faster and faster Grandmapa dances, and he's just about to catch fire when--
Lita9000 grabs his shoulders in the nick of time!]
[Lita9000] o/`Stop it right there! o/`
o/` Yeah sure, I'm pissed, o/`
o/` But I must insist: o/`
o/` No buuuuuuurning! o/`
o/` You are my friend. o/`
o/` I might get mad, o/`
o/` But it would be bad, o/`
o/` To buuuuuuurn you! o/`
o/` No, I don't wanna buuuuuurn you! o/`
o/` I will not let him buuuuuuurn you! o/`
[The music stops again, and Suite walks forward, clapping.]
[Suite] Bravo. Quite a showstopper. Not quite the fireworks I was expecting, but... there's always time for that. And it *will* happen. I'm gonna keep on puttin' you through the motions 'til you all burn! Especially you, Lita!!!!!
[Lita9000] Why do you want to see me burn in particular? What did I ever do to you?
[Suite] Oh, that's right. You probably don't remember, do you, amnesia-girl! Remember when PM had you cleaning gum from underneath the tables and you were doing a half-assed job of it?
[Lita9000 snickers.] Yeah.
[Suite] Well, LOOK WHAT IT DID TO MY PANTS!!!!!
[Suite waggles his fingers, and the magical glammer he had on his pants dissipates, revealing a big, smeary patch of gum!]
[Suite] Do you know what gum does to Kirukari Demon-moth silk? It *never* comes out! This whole suit is ruined, thanks to you!!!
[Lita9000] Ummm... err... ha ha ha? Nice demon. You know I watch too much vampire-based programming than to annoy a demon on purpose! Don'tcha?
[Suite] Tell it to my wardrobe. [He raises his hand to strike her.]
[PM jumps from behind the bar, brandishing a big, funky-looking cannon-thingie.] Don't even think about it, buddy!
[Suite laughs incredulously.] And why are you helping her? I thought she was your enemy!
[PM] Well, not really. She might be co-leading a massive revenge campaign on me, but that doesn't mean she's not my friend!
[Suite] Ummm, dude... listen to yourself.
[PM] Don't worry about that right now! I'm gonna put a stop to you right now, mister! Oooh, I've been itchin' to do this from song one!
[Suite laughs again.] Mobius, you fool. You *do* realize that as a demon that 1) Normal weapons don't hurt me, and that 2) as a Musical Demon, I can only be defeated through singing, which you freely admit that you hate to do! You don't stand a chance!
[PM] That may be true, but what *you* don't realize is that 1) This isn't a weapon, and 2) *I'm* not the one who's gonna be doing the singing!
[PM flips a switch on the weird device he's holding, and it lets out a low hum and a high-pitched whine simultaneously. The air ripples in front of the device, and a shimmering portal appears in the air! Out of the portal, eight Japanese guys wearing only tightie-whitey underwear with figleaves attached to the front and white tennis shoes dance goofily. (see http://www.onsone.com/yatta/yattapv.asf for the full effect.)]
[Suite] Oh no--!!!! It... cannot be...!
[PM] Oh yes! Its...
[Japanese guys] o/` YATTA! YATTA! YATTAAAAAA!!! o/`
[Yatta continues to sing and dance around Suite for a full minute before he can't take it anymore and he bursts into flames!]
[Suite] Damn your hide, Mobius! You're diabolical!!!
[PM] Damn right.
[Suite vanishes in a puff of smoke.]
[PM] Well, that takes care of that. Well, drinks are on me guys!-- Err... guys? [He looks around to see that the MSTie gang has fled in terror, and only Yatta remain in the room, still singing and dancing.] Yeeesh! That's enough of *that*. Back in the portal, Yatta! [They go back into the portal, and PM closes it.]
[PM] Guess I'd better go back and make sure they've doppled Nabut back into his body correctly.
------------------------------------------------------------
[Meanwhile, in the forest, the MSTie gang has stopped running and are walking back to the ranch.]
[Lita42] Hey! Has anyone seen Flopsey?
[Tork] Nope! And I say good riddance!
[Lita42] That's mean! What did Flopsey ever do to you?!?
[Tork] You mean *besides* throw his poo at me?
------------------------------------------------------------
[And back in PM's office...]
[Nabut] Man! It's good to be back in my own body again!
[PM] Yeah, and it's good to see that my doppling machine works! Now I can begin on Phase Sigma...
[Nabut] My liege, do we have any banana Quick in the fridge?
[PM slaps his forehead.]
The mad Pharaoh Mobius
Well, that's one loose end tied up...
Sarcophagus!
#1192
You made me Dawn?????
Date: 12/06/2001
From: Ghost_of_Rimmer_Past
The hell????
Then again you made me Spike.
o/~ Let me rest in peace!!!!o/~
I was sure I was more of an Anya.
Well, since I'm dabbling in demonic arts I'm sending you an early Christmas present, PM. I'm conjuring up a Bone-eater with a taste for Egyptian bones and silly hats.
Next up: Spidey gets SMAAAAAAAAASHED
Back to some ickyness
Back to main page